I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
