I just pynch a tree in the face
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
