mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
