I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
