please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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