I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
