My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
