My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize