doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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