Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
