this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
