Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
