I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
