i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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