It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
