so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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