What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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