i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hippo gnu deer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
