I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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