I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm at about main and main street
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
