Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
