So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
