Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
