your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
