you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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