I wanna passion pit in your ass
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
