come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
