You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
