Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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