So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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