Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
