She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
