a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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