The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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