I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
