OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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