It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
