he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
