In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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