He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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