i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
