Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's great music for shaving your balls
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
