I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
