What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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