woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
