my vag is so smooth its legendary
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
