Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
