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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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