yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i believe in u and ur pee
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
