'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
