My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
