Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
