i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
