please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
