Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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